Going to a Halloween party? Need a last-minute costume? You could use one of these sweet ideas to impress your friends that know hockey, and confuse your friends that don’t. All you need is a jersey and a few things that are probably lying around your house or easy to find in the Halloween section of your nearest drug store.
Brad Marchand – Wear a Bruins jersey, Mickey Mouse ears and costume rat nose. Carry a lollipop with Ryan Callahan’s face stuck to it. Walk around your neighborhood licking the lollipop and starting fights with any kids who have more Halloween candy than you do.
Ghost of Hockey Past – Paint your face white and wear a jersey of a defunct hockey team — even better if it is a white jersey. If you wear a Nordiques or Whalers jersey, be sure to explain to other party goers why Quebec or Hartford should still have an NHL team.
Tom Wilson – Stick a Washington Capitals Fathead wall decal to a garbage can and wear it. If you are going to a 1990’s-themed party, use a Colorado Avalanche logo instead and tell people that you are Claude Lemieux.
Gary Bettman – Wear a black suit and carry around a binder full of market research, a heavy chain and a padlock. If that isn’t symbolic enough, you can also bring along some bags of money from that sweet gambling deal the NHL just made.
KHL Player – Grab a blank hockey jersey and stick as many company logos you can onto it. For added laughs, change into a Kings jersey before the party ends and tell everyone that you were really Ilya Kovalchuk all along.
NHL Goaltender – If you are an adult, dress up wearing kid-sized goalie equipment. Complain that you aren’t adequately protected if someone accidentally bumps into you.
Fairweather Blackhawks Fan – Wear a Blackhawks jersey, a Cubs hat (never, ever a Sox hat!) and a two-sided sign that praises a ‘Hawks veteran on one side and complains about his contract on the other. For a more realistic costume, buy season tickets and immediately sell 75% of them on StubHub.
Follow Tim Parish on Twitter @therealdfg.