Upper Deck Series One Hockey came out earlier this month, so it’s time once again to see which of these hot dogs come off looking like weenies — thanks to some intrepid hockey photographers and Upper Deck’s editors!
Mad Men on Ice: Dennis Seidenberg (#17) & Shane Doan (#13)
While Justin Faulk has been accused as looking like a serial killer, Doan and
Heisenburg Seidenberg definitely have the Crazy Eyes look down pat! One might be offering up a “free puppy” while the other might have seen some stuff in ‘Nam. We just don’t know.
Hoe Down on the Ice: Niklas Hjalmarsson (#43) & Mika Zibanejad (#137)
Goal celebrations are a cherished piece of entertainment for us hockey fans; heaven knows we’ve had some memorable ones over the years, but it’s the spontaneous ones that can be the most endearing. Niklas appears to have whipped out his air banjo while Mika does his best clogging two-step to join in!
Speaking of Goal Celebrations…
Intensity City: Tomas Plekanec (#96)
He looks like a blow up doll at a Village People party! Maybe he should have borrowed John Klingberg’s hat (#60)!
Ah, the awkwardness of youth; I mean, he’s clearly very proud. And awkward. But proud. But awwwkward.
The Focus of: Nazem Kadri (#176)
Nazem looks almost hungry for that puck! Sooo huuungry…Please, ref; please drop that ho-ho before he starts drooling on the ice!
That Moment you realize just how creepy Popeye really is: Taylor Hall (#75)
Notice that anywhere Taylor skates, Popeye’s ‘good eye’ is always glued to Hall’s butt with a very lecherously approving look on his face! Come to think of it, exactly where is that corncob pipe sticking out of, because his mouth is on the right side of his face… Ok, I really have to stop looking at this card now.
Timing is everything, but come on! This was the best picture in your archive?: Dustin Brown (82), Eric Nystrom (104), Jake Allen (C77)
Thanks to Upper Deck, we now know how filthy hockey players’ gloves get by looking at Eric Nystrom’s card; Interesting action shot where it’s 1/4 of the player featured, then 1/3 is his glove and the rest is some Blackhawk butt. Who took this picture? Popeye?
Meanwhile, Mr. “I Can Count to Potato” (that will never get old to me) somehow sprouted three legs…AND TWO OF THEM POINT THE WRONG WAY!!! The Horror!
Now I would have given this a pass after that well-written piece by Sal from a while back about the most perfect Martin St Louis card because it shares some of the same qualities, but let’s look closer: Allen has been shelled by the Wild for three goals already, and considering his reach, this may have been number four! And to make matters worse for him, you get to see it at another angle on the jumbotron. Jake is probably gonna get this card and just shake his head saying, “Thanks for nothing, Upper Deck.”
Honorable Mention: Patrick Marleau (155)
Lastly, we see a touching picture of Marleau practicing skating with Tomas Hertl. Even Jeremy Roenick would have to say, “Awwww!”
This box was pretty good to make fun of, but I’m still waiting for Series Two where the really intriguing photographs pop up. I’ll give it, oh lets say, two Lego Hockey Players and a Hot Dog Man.
Jim Howard is a Carolina Hurricanes fan and reformed baseball card collector who is trying to keep the hockey collection from becoming overwhelming. And while he wishes he could give Crosby the business with his mitt, he is in fact NOT the goalie for the Red Wings. ■